Hurrah for Sarcasm!

by Gospel Herald

1. Think about yourself.
2. Talk about yourself.
3. Use “I” as often as possible.
4. Mirror yourself continually in the opinion of others.
5. Listen greedily to what people say about you.
6. Expect to be appreciated.
7. Be suspicious.
8. Be jealous and envious.
9. Be sensitive to slights.
10. Never forgive a criticism
11. Trust no one but yourself.
12. Insist on consideration and respect.
13. Demand agreement with your own views on everything.
14. Sulk if people are not grateful to you for favors shown them.
15. Never forget a service you may have rendered.
16. Be on the lookout for a good time for yourself.
17. Shirk your duties if you can.
18. Do as little as possible for others.
19. Love yourself supremely.
20. Be selfish.

This recipe is guaranteed to be infallible.

我々は完璧ではない。しかし、私たちは常に他人に親切にすることを試みることができます。

I have always believed Lennon isn’t as perfect as what me and my good friend Jenesis had been arguing about in college. He’s always been pro-John Lennon and I’ve always been fuckyeahpaulmccartney.

しかし、たとえ彼はジョン崇拝、彼は私たちの友情値です。

birchswingers:

By Nick Ackerman

Ringo Starr—John Lennon described Ringo as the “heart of the group,” and his consistently excellent drumming and easygoing personality held the band together in more ways then one.  He’s never been cited as some sort of musical virtuoso, but his distinctly Liverputian lilt made songs like “Yellow Submarine” and “With a Little Help from My Friends,” not to mention that he was the funniest part in any Beatles movie.  That nice, funny one who could never steal even a bit of the spotlight, but always backed the big hitters up when things got rough—this one’s a gimme.

House— Hufflepuff

George Harrison—Easily the greatest guitarist out of the Fab Four, George always stood apart from the rest of the gang.  Tall, dark, and handsome, Harrison devoured the books and teachings of various Eastern holy men.  He spent free time studying with Indian mystics like the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, and introduced much of the Western world to the music of the sitar and the transcendental meditation techniques of Hare Krishna.  Quiet, handsome, and introspective?  Move over Cedric Diggory!*

House— Ravenclaw

John Lennon—One of the two lyrical powerhouses of the Beatles, Lennon is probably the most fondly remembered and well regarded, though whether this was due to talent, his early death, or his consistently making music that wasn’t garbage in the 1970s (I’m looking at you, Mr. McCartney) is up for debate.  Yet the composer of gems like “All You Need Is Love” had quite a dark side.  Lennon was known for being the negative-Nancy of the group, and often spoke poorly of the other members (especially his former best friend, Paul).   He was also notoriously unfaithful to his first wife, Cynthia.  And, of course, it goes without saying that Yoko Ono may be the biggest Pansy Parkinson who’s ever Pansy Parkinsoned.

House— Slytherin

Paul McCartney—Paul might have just been the “cute” one when Beatlemania first swept America, but his transformation to pop music badass by the end of the sixties puts Justin Timberlake to shame.  “Yesterday” is the most covered song in musical history, and his talent ranges from the delicate “Blackbird” to the heavy-metal predecessor “Helter Skelter.”  He displays a Potter-like early magic ability (writing “When I’m Sixty-Four” at the tender age of fifteen).  His desire to save his friendship with Lennon is pure Weasley.  As for Granger, well, let’s face it—he would have been all over S.P.E.W.

House— Gryffindor

*To be fair, he can’t really move over, seeing as he’s dead.